Things No One Tells You About Your 20s

Lately, there has been a shift in how we talk about things, other people, and even ourselves. There’s a lot of awareness going on right now that is forcing organizations and institutions to look at things in a new light. However, some things remain unchanged or with little changes. And at the top of all these is the pressure we feel in our 20s.

Before the internet age, the 20s was when the youth went to war, got married, bought homes, started new businesses, or figured out what the rest of their lives would look like.

However, in recent times, while we must accept that some things may have changed, we must also admit that some things will need adjusting to. I am in my late 20s and will share a few things I wished someone had told me about my 20s.

It’s ok to be single

As you age into your late 20s and early 30s, unnecessary pressure develops within you. It can be because your friends are getting married or having their own babies; this can also be because a parent keeps reminding you that they already had all their children at your age.

I chose this to be my first point because it seems that many of our parents don’t understand that marriage is no longer as it was during their time and while they advise, nagging and pestering can harm their child or ward.

Everyone deserves love, and marriage is no longer ‘the achievement’ for the single man and woman. Being single isn’t a disease, and there’s nothing wrong with taking time off from relationships to ensure you can offer your best to your next partner.

You will make mistakes

It’s ok to make mistakes; your 20s are a time of finding your feet and shaping your life. It’s ok if you made a decision and it turned out not to be the best choice; your 20s are a time for you to go back to the drawing board and try again.

One mistake doesn’t mean you have failed for the rest of your time. No, it presents another opportunity to do it better.

Your 20s may be farther from what you imagined as a kid

Do you remember all those days of imagining all the things you would do when you grew up? How many of them have you done now? Your 20s will be a time of realization and acknowledgment that some dreams aren’t realistic or will need more work and time.

You may have imagined yourself as the wealthiest person, but in your 20s, you are hardly getting by. There’s nothing wrong with that, the only time it could be wrong is if you lack the willpower and ambition to make it happen.

You will go through a lot of changes

It was the most challenging thing I had to realize. In my early 20s, I was a size six, flat stomach, straight legs, tiny waist kind of girl, and then life happened, and I before I knew it, I was an actual size 10.

Before life happened, I was big on body positivity, and even when certain people said I was too thin, I wasn’t bothered. Still, while life was happening, I became so concerned about how I looked, and I avoided looking at mirrors or reflective doors and windows for a long time.

Of course, I grew out of it, and now ‘hey mama’ featuring Nicki Minaj and David Guetta, is my favorite song.

It will feel lonely

When you are in your 20s, it can and will feel lonely on some days. You will sometimes feel like you are going through it alone or that nobody understands what you are going through, and on other days it may seem like everyone around you doesn’t understand how they are contributing to it.

I understand you; I do, and while I am not going to tell you that your concerns are only in your head, I will tell you that somewhere around the world, I love you, and I am rooting for you and hoping you make it through these times. I know you will.

On days when I get lonely, I pull my duvet and pillows closer and watch some cheesy Korean or Indian movies; they can be a real mood-lifter, even if they make you cry.

You will outgrow and lose some friends

I feel this is not being talked about enough with the ‘fake friends’ movement on social media. Dear, your 20s is when some friends will move on to other circles; it’s not always because they are fake or snakes; sometimes it’s that they are also trying to figure out their lives just like you are doing.

I firmly believe that every relationship adds value and that when you think you have lost friends, your values and priorities are the only things that have changed.

Please note that some friendships can be toxic and destructive to your mental health and that you should do all you can to part ways with them.

It can be hard to make new friends

After you have parted ways with some friends, the next step is to make new ones. I understand that this can be hard to do, which is why I think a few tips might help;

• They need to be appropriate for the new you: Hear me out, imagine you are trying to quit smoking, and then you make a smoking addict who has no intentions of stopping your friend. Can you see how the mission is dead on arrival?
• They need to understand you: your new friends will need to understand the goal you are working towards and should support you, not discourage you from getting there. However, this doesn’t mean they will agree with all your methods and plans. They should be able to tell you when you are wrong.

You might not know the career you want

If you go into your 20s knowing exactly what you want to do, good for you. If you don’t know what you want to do, it’s ok, and there’s no cause for alarm.

It’s also ok to think you know what you want, get in the middle and decide to change careers. It happens all of the time. Most big companies had founders whose life turned around in their late 40s, so you have all the time in the world to figure your life out.

If you ask any of my family members, they would tell you I changed future careers three times before I chose one, and also here, I am pouring out my heart because I love you guys.

Your 20s are about discovering and rediscovering who you are, don’t let anyone or circumstance make you think you have failed simply because you don’t have a car, house, or even job yet. Enjoy your 20s shamelessly; they only come once!

Originally published at https://shamelesspen.com on October 22, 2022.